Here are five
marital retirement tips...
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5 Tips
To Keep Marital Bliss Alive
After You Retire!
Let’s face
it retirement is a time of great transition for spouses. Ample free time and
drastic lifestyle changes can be a burden or a blessing for your marriage.
Regardless of whether one or both spouses retire, the secret to a smooth
transition is planning before you retire. For example, if one or both of you
have been task-driven individuals with their own careers, a 7/24 marriage may
not be to your liking. Retiring couples who have lived independent and
relatively separate lives may become frustrated and bored being joined at the
hip. Others may rejoice in spending more time with each other. The most
important step to take prior to retiring is:
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PLAN AHEAD. Know your personality and design your
golden years accordingly. If you are a busy bee needing outside stimulation,
plan ahead how you will keep yourself occupied. Get a part-time job,
volunteer, write a book, get a pup, complete home renovations, play golf, join
an organization or take up a hobby. Know what you will do with your excess
time before you get on each other’s nerves.
While
retirement is a natural process of live, most retirees experience the same
effects as with the loss of a job. No longer needed at work coupled with reduced
social contacts many retirees question their identities. Feelings of
worthlessness or even depression are common and can harm the quality of your
relationship. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to:
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LIVE WITH A PURPOSE. Shift the focus from yourself
to others. Contribute your knowledge and life experience to organizations. Get
involved with youth groups helping young people flourish. Socializing with
your children and grandchildren will keep you young and alert. Read, cruise
the Internet, exercise, learn a new language or skill. Do anything that keeps
your brain working and your heart filled with passion.
If only one spouse is retiring, conflict over who does what
and how time will be spent, may arise. The at-home spouse may be expected to do
more chores including those they never did before. Arguments over time allotted
for chores or play may develop. To avoid conflict:
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EXERCISE MUTUAL RESPECT. As the still-working
spouse, don’t penalize your retired partner for having reached the golden
years. Respect that your spouse deserves the freedom, time, enjoyment, respect
and dignity of retirement. While he or she can be expected to pitch-in more,
respect that your spouse needs the freedom to find his or her purposeful life
as a retiree. Again, talk about and plan ahead how time will be spent prior to
retirement, it will save you many arguments.
Staying busy has proven to be beneficial for all retirees.
How to keep busy may vary from one person to the next. Because of diverse
expectations it is often difficult to find the right blend of shared hobbies and
time alone. Some couples are thrilled to do everything together, while others
need and enjoy some time on their own. Allow each other to:
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BE HAPPY. Retirement should be a happy time. It is
about doing the things you couldn’t before. This could be anything from
sleeping in to travelling to unknown places. Anything from learning about
astrology to helping provide clean water in an undeveloped country. Whenever
possible you should support your spouse to live a happy retirement in
alignment with his or her personality. Always remember, your partner is just
as important as you are.
Many
retirees use this time to strengthen their marriage. Previous work distractions
and time commitments often lead to stale marriages. Now is the time to create
intimacy and secure marital bliss in your sunset years. Get busy and:
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KEEP THE LOVE GOING. Love is not something that you
have, it is something that you do. Now that you have more time, be romantic.
Plan for romantic dinners, movies, vacations or picnics. Compliment each
other, cherish each other and surprise each other with romantic treats. Take
time to talk to each other, communicate your feelings, your fears and your
passions. Make love whenever possible, it is a sure way to create intimacy.
Remember love has no expiry date and a loving relationship is your ticket to
glorious golden years.
© 2005 Allie
Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of “Are You Fit To
Love?” ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous magazines and
newsletters. She has appeared on radio and TV. To order her book or to take the
Fit 2 Love! Test visit her website at
www.fit2love.com.
For FREE relationship/dating advice e-mail:
askallie@fit2love.com
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Submitted by Allie Ochs
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