Three
principles for over 50 dating... read "Wow, Grandma Is Dating" to discover
them.
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Wow, Grandma Is Dating!
Lena is one of many fiery over 50 dames with lots of love
and life. The idea of dating put a sparkle into her eyes. After a few “let’s
meet for coffee" dates, that didn’t amount to anything, Lena struck gold! Ryan,
whom she met in her doctor’s waiting room, was everything she hoped for. They
exchanged phone numbers, leaving Lena’s doctor worried about her elevated heart
rate. A widower without children, Ryan was like a breath of fresh air.
Easy-going, fun, responsible, smart and loving, he put romance and zest into her
life. They fell madly in love and lived happily ever after.
This is a dating dream come true for most older, single women. Today, dating
over 50 is just as common as dating at a younger age. However, there are
profound differences in life circumstances and experiences. While Lena’s 24-year
old son is still a person in the making, much of her personality is carved in
stone. Unfortunately, not all dating adventures of older singles have happy
endings. More often than not, dating at a mature age comes with baggage. Ex
wives, stepchildren, step-grandchildren, in-laws or out-laws just to name a few.
Divorces, followed by revolving-door relationships, health problems, commitments
and inflexible lifestyles can be added to the list. This baggage prevents many
singles from creating close relationships. With an increase of singles over 50,
are we gearing up for a new generation of senior singles, even though most
consider living alone undesirable? Here is the good news for all mature singles,
who have not found their “one and only? Whether they use the Internet, dating
agencies, single events or their doctor’s waiting room, precaution and safety
rules apply equally.
As a mature person you have gained qualities such compassion, integrity, wisdom
and patience, all of which nurture rewarding relationships. Unlike your
children, you are most likely much better equipped for a loving relationship.
Use exactly those qualities to find love and keep love. Avoid falling victim of
clever-minded dating strategies in the modern world of romance. Youth isn’t the
only thing that guarantees dating success. Successful relationships are based on
three principles: mutual respect, moral responsibility and authenticity. These
are also common-sense principles while dating and here is what they mean:
Mutual Respect: Others are just as valuable as you
Our generation has made history as ambassadors of a “me first" society. Much of
the dating advice today supports this attitude. Just make your wish list and
check it against your date. You may find yourself relationship shopping,
believing that you never have to compromise again. Yet, compromise is part of
life, love and relationships. While dating should be fun, for most 50 plus
singles it is about finding a life-mate. It should also be about giving your
date a chance, instead of stereotyping. When you date, treat him with respect.
Be on time, be interested in him and listen. If you are attracted to each other,
share your likes and dislikes openly and encourage him to do the same. Don’t get
lost in keeping score. Don’t tell him you are an outdoor enthusiast, if the only
trees you ever see are on TV. Respect that he is meeting you to determine if
there is enough interest to warrant a second date. By all means give each other
a chance. If you are not interested in him, don’t lead him on. You are mature
and don’t need a black book filled with admirers. If you like him, but sense
that the feeling is not mutual, make it easy to call the quits. Treat your date
the way you would want to be treated and you can never go wrong.
Moral Responsibility: You are always morally responsible to those with whom you
have a relationship
This begs the question as to when a relationship begins. You have graduated from
the coffee shop to seeing a movie together. He wined and dinned you and asks you
to join him for a barbeque with his friends. While this is not a marriage
proposal, it is nevertheless personal. No red flags have popped up yet and you
accept the invitation. This has the potential of an evolving relationship. Now
is the time to get to know more about him instead of looking over the shoulder
for other hot guys. Here is why: often relationships between dating singles
never develop because they are occupied with multiple dates. Investing your time
in one date also helps you decide sooner if you should cut loose. Sleeping with
multiple dates is morally irresponsible to each one. If the idea of you running
into your new guy flirting with another woman has little appeal to you, don’t
put him in that situation either. Be as responsible as you would be to your best
friend, because he may be that some day. If things don’t work out, at least you
have maintained your integrity.
Authenticity: Love only happens when you are real. Have you ever found yourself
laughing simply because everyone else did? Agreed with someone’s opinion even
though you didn’t share it? Told your lover you had a fabulous time when you
didn’t or said: “I love you" when you didn’t mean it. In other words did you
ever do something inconsistent with your true self just to please someone, get
attention or get what you wanted? Of course we all have. We have lost the
bravery to be real! For many there is quite a gap between the person inside and
the person they present to the world. In the competitive world of dating
misrepresentation is at an all time high.
If you are searching for love, forget about dating rules and how to make him
fall in love with you. Forget about Mars and Venus, we are all from the same
planet. In the real world we are all human beings first, men and women second.
Most singles over 50 seek love and a sense of belonging. For this generation
love sells as much as sex does. Wear what makes you feel like a million dollar
babe, not what you think impresses him. While you are not expected to disclose
your sexual history on a first date, be straightforward on topics you are
comfortable with. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Feel free to ask him
about things that do not invade his privacy. Be authentic, be real and be you.
Don’t waste your precious time pretending to be what you are not. You may not
land many second dates, but at this stage it is not about quantity, rather about
quality. As a 50 plus single you still have many years of life left, but don’t
forget that the good years may be numbered. If you just want to date go and have
fun. If it is true love you are seeking stay focused on being the best of you.
Love only happens when you are real.
These three universal principles are no-fail dating concepts that keep you sane
and on the road to love. To boost your dating success, Ivana Trump is adding a
bonus for all the fabulous, mature women out there. In her new TV show she will
introduce older women to younger men. Sounds like the Demi Moore style of dating
is gaining popularity. With quite a few older men dating much younger women,
Ivana is orchestrating a balancing act. Love has no boundaries, love is ageless
and it keeps you young. Maybe Ivana’s reality show will get you in the groove.
--
2004 Allie Ochs, Relationship Expert, Coach, Speaker and the Author of “Are You
Fit To Love" ISBN 0-9720227-9-1. Her articles are published in numerous
magazines and newsletters. Visit her website
www.fit2love.com .
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Reprinted from ValuableContent.Com
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